A place for a cynical person to write his cynical petty little thoughts and musings.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

The Murderer Is…

After an intense investigation by British authorities into the 1997 death of the Princess of Wales Diana Spencer the shocking truth has been uncovered. Many conspiracy theories have emerged regarding the death of Diana, and one has rung true. The Princess was in fact murdered. A little after nine years later the identity of this killer has been exposed. A killer who turns out to have been very close to the Princess and was known to be in her presence during the night of her untimely death. The killer was none other than her Mercedes-Benz S280 Sedan. The car has been placed at the scene of the crime by many witnesses and in fact sustained injuries as a result of it’s struggle with both the Princess and her fiance Dodi Al-Fayed. When asked for a comment the Mercedes only responded “honk, honk.”

Many have asked why someone so close to the Princess, and appeared to go to every important function with her would turn violent against her. Our own investigations show that theirs is sorted past. Neighbors report arguments in the winter, where the Mercedes refused to start when she was on her way to a charity event to raise funds for landmine survivors, making her late as she waited for the Mercedes to be “ready to go” or as the close friends of the car state “warm up”. This argument ended with Lady Diana leaving behind Mercedes and driving to the event in a red Mini Metro. Could this murder have been a result of jealousy?

We may never know the entire story, but there is also suspicion that the Mercedes had an accomplice in this horrid crime. Though the thirteenth pillar of the Pont de l'Alma road tunnel in Paris has not been named an official suspect it is expected that questioning on it’s whereabouts the night of the murder will take place in the coming weeks.


JenH said...


jenhendriks said...

jay - go to my blog to see your first meme that I tagged you for.

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