A place for a cynical person to write his cynical petty little thoughts and musings.

Sunday, January 7, 2007

Santa, Why Do You Hate Me?

Yum! Look what I got in my stocking! Gourmet Jelly Beans. Delicious. Need sugar fix. Must eat them all! Munch, munch, gulp, gulp.

Oh, they are sugar free! I have put on a couple of pounds since the holidays started. I guess Santa noticed, though he's one to talk... that fatty! Oh well, gorging on sweets guilt free is always good. Wait, what's that writing in the corner of the box?

Stomach discomfort? I suppose that's fair if I ate the whole box in one sitting. Laxative Effect? Ah, that's just a precaution. I wonder what it says on the back of the box?

Oh no. A recommended dosage of jelly beans? This is not good. Stomach rumbling... things brewing inside. An evil brew. Not a good Christmas. Must go to little boy's room. Damn you Santa, Damn you!


Cin said...

it's so true, the effects of sugar free "treats". When i was a kid my mum used ju jubes, black licorise ones, to help "move things along" if I may. She had it down to a science; 9 ju jubes, no more no less. Especially no more. Oh sure, it would get the job done, but more painfully then the relaxing effect of 9.

Anonymous said...

If only Carolyn, Dan, or I had told you of our tragic sugar-free gummy incident. Not pretty.

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