Dear Woman On The Subway This Morning,
I’d like to apologize for my blatant lie to you this morning. You may recall that before you sat next to me you picked up a sheet of paper from the seat and asked, “Is This Yours?” I answered that it was not. This was a lie. The sheet of paper in question was a promotional wrap around cover for the Toronto Star, that announced in bold letters that the paper was complimentary as a gift from some company or other that was advertising their wares on the wrap around cover. I of course was reading the very paper this sheet was wrapped around when you asked me this question.
Firstly, I should state that it was not a complete lie. I did not purchase nor did I pick up that paper from a stand, it was on the seat before I got on the subway. Technically it is not my newspaper, however as I understand it possession is nine-tenths of the law. Which I suppose would mean it was my sheet of paper.
So now that I have apologized, and I do hope you forgive me for my grave indiscretion, I do have some explanations as to why I lied, which I have listed here:
a) The way you threateningly waved the sheet of paper around when you asked if it was mine took me off guard. I felt a little bit as though I was back in grade school and the schoolmarm had confiscated my button of with the picture of pop star tiffany with no top on. Perhaps the flashback to this time triggered something deep within and I was afraid you would call my parents.
I’d like to apologize for my blatant lie to you this morning. You may recall that before you sat next to me you picked up a sheet of paper from the seat and asked, “Is This Yours?” I answered that it was not. This was a lie. The sheet of paper in question was a promotional wrap around cover for the Toronto Star, that announced in bold letters that the paper was complimentary as a gift from some company or other that was advertising their wares on the wrap around cover. I of course was reading the very paper this sheet was wrapped around when you asked me this question.
Firstly, I should state that it was not a complete lie. I did not purchase nor did I pick up that paper from a stand, it was on the seat before I got on the subway. Technically it is not my newspaper, however as I understand it possession is nine-tenths of the law. Which I suppose would mean it was my sheet of paper.
So now that I have apologized, and I do hope you forgive me for my grave indiscretion, I do have some explanations as to why I lied, which I have listed here:
a) The way you threateningly waved the sheet of paper around when you asked if it was mine took me off guard. I felt a little bit as though I was back in grade school and the schoolmarm had confiscated my button of with the picture of pop star tiffany with no top on. Perhaps the flashback to this time triggered something deep within and I was afraid you would call my parents.
b) I was ashamed that I had to take a “complimentary paper” rather than shelling out the $1.25 for the regular paper. What would you think of me if you knew I was too cheap to purchase the newspaper?
c) I was already embarrassed I had laughed so hard at the Marmaduke comic. I mean really, when will that dog learn he’s not supposed to be on the couch?
As you can see all are very valid reasons for my covering up of the truth. I hope you find it on your heart to forgive me for the lying and for snatching your purse when I got off at my stop.
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